


Portrait of Frau Overlord as a Young Termagant

by filigree (figureinthecarpet)



Series: The perils of everybody [4]
Category: The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Expletives, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-10-28 00:02:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10819515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figureinthecarpet/pseuds/filigree
Summary: We just want to say that we're not here to fuck the band. We are the band. - Corin Tucker, Sleater-Kinney





	1. (4) Reputation

NCDP staffers started circulating a list of Annie Montrose facts after her second month on salary. They were sort of like Chuck Norris facts, except they were mostly factual and revolved around the word "fuck" a lot. Annie does not know about its existence.***

It's a pretty fucking long list.

1\. It's official, "fuck" can be used as every part of speech.  
2\. I've never heard "fuck" used as a conjunction before. Until Annie Montrose.  
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9\. Annie Montrose invent parts of speech just to use fuck in it.  
10\. You mean to fuck with it.  
11\. Let's just agree that "fuck" is a leatherman in the hands of Annie Montrose.  
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22\. We finally caught Annie sleeping.  
23\. Do not try to be quiet when you have to wake her up. She punches.  
24\. Her apology has a 75% probability of including profanity.  
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42\. Annie is capable of inciting mass panic with the power of neutrals.  
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60\. That life advice. What?  
61\. She carries an entire box of tissues in her purse.  
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66\. Her purse also contains a full first aid kit.  
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78\. Annie has seen all of the West Wing and the Newsroom. She has an uncontrollable hatred for the latter.  
79\. She has a Powerpoint presentation on Sorkin being a tool because he "undercut his female characters with bullshit quirks in an effort to be cute."  
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114\. Annie can deliver the entire Audacity of Hope speech upon request, with or without a bonus commentary. Even the parts about Kerry.  
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136\. Annie memorizes the rules and procedures of both the Senate and the House of Representatives at the beginning of every fucking Congress.  
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172\. Annie is not a Democrat. What the fuck?  
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244\. It's official, Annie Montrose is capable of out-swearing Rahm Emanuel.  
245\. Annie Montrose does not gloat, she merely points out that everyone mellows with age.  
246\. Annie Montrose does not mellow with age, she just finds more ways to use fuck in a sentence.  
247\. Annie Montrose/Rahm Emanuel is my OTP.  
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310\. Don't mention Rory Gilmore within her hearing. Just don't.  
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As of 2037, primary ownership of the list resides with the Media Relations Office at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas. It is regularly updated.

***Actually, Annie found out about it sometime in her second year. However, as it (1) didn't pertain to the midterm GOTV campaign that she was running, (2) was providing harmless amusement to her minions, and (3) factual, she marked it as "useless knowledge" and mostly forgot about its existence.


	2. (3) Revelation

In the seven days since the election, Annie had lost three and a half pounds. Part of it was not drinking enough water, but mustering enough energy to both function normally and to eat more than eight hundred calories a day had become a struggle.

In true gallows humor fashion, she mentioned it to her fiance as the best diet she'd ever been on.

He replied that he thought she was taking this election too seriously.

She replied that he wasn't taking this election seriously enough but then subsided. Love was about compromise and a bunch of other things that Annie had conditioned herself to mostly ignore in the name of efficiency and bullshit. Not everyone had to mainline news like she did. Not everyone had to be affected like she had been. He _was_ concerned, but that concern primarily manifested itself by throwing respectably large amounts of money at the nearest civil rights organization when prodded. 

While staring out the window on the Caltrain, she came up with an idea about more focused, long-term ground game in battleground states. She'd been reading some book on rural resentment in Wisconsin. That somehow pinged at some news story she'd glanced at about voter suppression, then something about Protestant work ethic versus charity or... something. Some of the claims probably needed checking, but her idea couldn't be worse than what actually happened in Ohio. 

When she finally got home, she plopped down next to the aforementioned fiance and recounted said idea. He got up the moment she finished.

I don't think I want to hear anymore about politics today, he said.

Then when can I talk about it again? she said.

In three years. Or next year before midterms. 

I've always been interested in politics and this election will be catastrophic to everyone not fucking someone with his last name. What the fuck am I going to talk about in the meantime. What can I talk to _you_ about?

I don't know. Your usual life stuff. You're brainstorming about grand party strategy and I just want to live my life. 

She stood up too. I listened to every breathless recounting of your new org chart for three months when you first started this job. I wasn't interested, but I listened because it mattered to you, so it mattered to me. What the fuck am I supposed to talk to you about if an interest in politics is integral to my 'usual life stuff'? If I can't talk to you about this, then why the fuck are we getting married?

When she talked her way into her employer's office in the morning, she wasn't engaged anymore.

She didn't regret the outcome, but in the years and the campaign offices afterwards, she never stopped regretting that conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cramer, Katherine J. 2016. _The politics of resentment: rural consciousness in Wisconsin and the rise of Scott Walker_. University Of Chicago Press.


	3. (1) Expectation

The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and 'slipped the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God.'

________'s address to the Nation after the Challenger Explosion  
January 28, 1986

A) George Bush  
B) Ronald Reagan  
C) Bill Clinton  
D) Jimmy Carter

Three Montrose boys had gone through seventh grade US History without a hint of independent thinking. Ten weeks into the new school year, however, Marion Ross was of the firm opinion that the fourth Montrose offspring was set on this green earth as her last trial before retirement. Never mind that the girl aspired to mediocrity while doodling all over every assignment she ever turned in. Occasionally, she would look up, and something about the way she paid attention made Marion's hair stand up on end. 

This was the first time Annie had ever stayed after school to talk to her, but Marion was trying to go home to her pile of grading and her post-grading bourbon. Goddamn it.

"Anne? Did you have a question about the test?" The girl insisted on being called Annie, but Annie just sounded so _juvenile_. 

"There was a multiple choice question about the Challenger. I wanna know more about it."

She visualized her gradebook and recalled a straight set of Bs for the girl. Nothing to worry about, "We'll go over the answer key on Friday."

The girl scowled, "Don't care 'bout the test. I wanna know about Challenger."

"The Challenger," Marion repeated blankly. The unit had been on recent Presidencies and the school board had deemed both the Iran-Contra Affair and the Savings and Loans scandal too complicated for her ingrates. Why did she bother trying? "Didn't Mr. Burns show your class the footage of the explosion last week?" 

Annie shifted, her eyes looking extra owlish behind her coke bottle glasses. "That was the 'splosion. Now I wanna know more about the _space shuttle_. Who do I go ask about space shuttles?"

Neither of them mentioned the school library. _That_ sat above the cafeteria kitchen and smelled on like fried mold on a good day. The city library at least had a full set of encyclopedias, including the newest Microsoft Encarta on CD-ROM. From what Marion remembered from past parent-teacher conferences, Annie's parents...would probably not take her there.

A clattering of running feet and shrieks passed her door. Normally, Marion would have gone out to yell at them, but then it occurred to her that being helpful would probably get rid of the girl faster.

She switched tacks, "Maybe I can help you narrow it down. Why are you interested in space shuttles?"

That got a reaction out of the girl. Annie's eyes slid off of her and onto the bulletin board. Marion watched her grind her teeth. She couldn't have described the reason for the existential contortions if she tried. 

"Challenger had lady astronauts," Annie said to Governor Rockefeller's picture.

"...What?"

"The tape said Challenger had two lady astronauts. I wanna know how they gotta be astronauts." It seemed impossible, but the girl managed to scowl even harder. "Nobody told me women can be astronauts."

This should have been the moment when Marion took Annie under her wings. Her help and encouragement should have inspired Annie to attain new academic heights. Ideally, she would have gone onto high school and then college with a newfound determination to become an astronaut (or something). They would have kept in touch, and then years later, Annie would tearfully (or not) thank Mrs. Ross on national television for helping her achieve her dream. 

Marion had always wanted to have one of those Hallmark moments.

She did _try_ , but with midterms and that new vice principal both looming over her, the most she managed to do was to slip Annie a couple of books on the astronaut program and a mailing address for NASA. 

For her part, Annie seemed resistant to inspiration. Marion found the books back on her desk a week later and got stonewalled when she tried to ask about them. Annie's grades never got any better (or worse), and anyway the other students needed her more. Marion gladly gave all of it up when she retired at the end of the school year. 

A few years later, she saw Annie serving customers at the diner. The girl had filled out a bit and also developed quite a mouth. At Sunday lunch, she mentioned it to Janet, who let drop that she'd heard Annie and her mother screaming at each other in the middle of the high school parking lot. Apparently Mrs. Montrose didn't understand why Annie wanted to apply out-of-state when the local community college had a perfectly good accounting program.

At least she's thinking about going, Marion thought, then went back to her crossword puzzle.


End file.
